The number one skill to being an effective coach, mentor, business owner, network marketer, leader, spouse, parent, etc is active listening. This is a key component for success in any area of your life.
Most people believe that hearing and listening are the same, but they are not. Hearing is defined as the act of perceiving sound. It is involuntary and deals with aural stimuli. Listening is a selective activity which involves receiving and interpreting the aural stimuli. It involves decoding the sound into meaning.
Listening is divided into 2 main categories: passive and active. Passive listening is a little more than hearing. It occurs when the receiver of the message has little motivation to listen carefully, such as when listening to music, story telling, television, or when being polite.
People speak at 100 to 175 words per minute (WPM), but they can listen intelligently at 600 to 800 WPM. Since only a part of our mind is paying attention, it is easy to go into mind drift, and start thinking about other things while listening to someone. The cure for this is active listening, which involves listening with purpose or intent. It may be to gain information, obtain directions, understand others, solve problems, share interest, see how another person feels, show support, etc. It requires that the listener attends to the words and feelings of the sender for understanding. It takes the same amount or more energy than speaking. It requires the receiver to hear the various messages, understand the meaning and then verify the meaning by offering feedback. The following are a few traits of active listeners:
- Spend more time listening than talking.
- Do not finish the sentences of others.
- Do not answer questions with questions.
- Be aware of biases. We all have them and we need to control them.
- Never daydreams or become preoccupied with their own thoughts when others talk.
- Let the other speakers talk. Do not dominate the conversation.
- Plan responses after the others have finished speaking, NOT while they are speaking.
- Provide feedback, but do not interrupt incessantly.
- Analyze by looking at all the relevant factors and asking open-ended questions. Walk others through summarizing.
- Keep conversations on what others say, NOT on what interests them.
- Take brief notes. This forces you to concentrate on what is being said.
As you can see listening is a learned skill. It is a skill that we must intend to do. We have to focus and pay attention when someone is speaking with us. To be a successful listener we must practice listening to others. I challenge you to implement the short list of active listening traits this week and see how your communication with others improves.
Wishing YOU an Abundance of Success,
April Page
References: Pearson, J. (1983). Interpersonal Communication. Glenview, Illinois: Scott, Foreman and Company.
